Word has it that diamonds are forever. While that may be true, marriages aren’t. They fall apart with great frequency these days, sometimes less than a year after the ceremony. It doesn’t matter how much the dress costs, how much was spent on the reception and it certainly doesn’t matter how much the ring costs. If you’re married to the wrong person, your marriage will still fail, or at the very least, you’ll find yourself living in misery.
So, if who you marry ultimately matters much more than the money spent, why is so much emphasis placed on the size of the ring?
When asked, all women will say the politically correct thing: “The size of the ring doesn’t matter as much as the man that gives it to you.” This statement is true, whether they really mean it or not. What’s hard to understand is why all women don’t mean it.
Women often hold out for “that” ring because they feel that they’re worth it. While we should never begrudge a woman for assessing her value at a high price, if the man doesn’t treat her as if she’s worth what he paid for in diamonds and more, it won’t matter.
When we look at the celebrities that marry, they often do so with multi-million dollar rings involved. Those marriages fall apart just like the common man’s. Even looking at the marriages of the average everyday couple, when the woman would rather hold out for the “right” ring rather than the right man, they’re often off to the pawn shop after the divorce because the man himself wasn’t worth the ring he bought.
The assumption for women seems to be that even if the marriage doesn’t work out, they can find comfort in the diamond on their hand. But even if a woman only loves the man that gave her the diamond just a little, she’ll find little solace in that diamond.
There are plenty of women out there that holding out for marriage, putting all of their stock in the idea that the right man is the man that buys her the ring she wants. But as the sand keeps slipping through the hour glass of their lives, they’ll find themselves not only being willing to compromise and sacrifice, but understanding what those words really mean. It’s not just about giving something up, which is only half the definition. It’s about giving something up for the greater good.
There are women reading these words right now that are shaking their heads in disagreement. You can almost hear the screams at the computers and smartphones: “Why do I have to compromise on the ring I want?!?! Well, there are reasons for that as well, but that’s an entirely different piece. However, there is no reason to compromise if it can be afforded. The point of this piece is to stress that in the event the ring of choice can’t be purchased, there’s no reason to cancel or postpone the wedding. The point of this piece if to return the emphasis to the “who” of the marriage and not the “what” that he buys.
During the ceremony, the person officiating will often refer to the ring as a circle of trust. Not a diamond of trust and not a rock of trust, but a circle of trust. It’s a circle that should never be broken. The ring in the marriage represents that circle. If the marriage is built on the fundamentals of a good relationship, which includes love, trust and commitment, then that foundation is what will hold it together.
The cheapest ring can be the most valuable when given with the best intentions. A man that honors the commitment of the ring is far more valuable than a man that uses the value of the ring to prove he’s committed. A couple that understands the circle of trust is far more prepared for success than a couple that only understands weights, measures, clarity and karats.
If there is sincerity in the desire to be married and it’s not being done for nefarious reasons, then those involved know that the circle of trust is the most important circle involved.
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